When I grow up I want to be a sailboat, or a bilge pump. This one time when I was a puppy, I fell over some shoes and smashed my nose on my food bowl, then I had the hiccups, and downloaded porn. I can fit a flute in my nostril and pour skittles through the mouth hole thingy. They go right down into my tummy. Wanna play ninja turtles? Sometimes I like to spin in circles and quote Ghandi… does that make me weird?

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