Many of you have asked how I became a famous TV chef, and the answer is quite simple. I look good cooking. On TV, nobody can taste or smell (thank god) what you are cooking. They can only see it’s visual perfection. What my viewers don’t know is that everything is prepared off camera by a team of people who were fired from Industrial Light and Magic. I simply mix whatever I happen to have lying around, making sure to sound official, and the post effects team takes care of the rest.

What you may not know is that in order to be considered an “innovator” I’ve begun using many lesser known ingredients. Sure, rat hair truffle cakes may invoke the gag reflex by it’s name alone, but the French have certainly embraced it. They’ll do anything to seem cultured and weird.

With the French on your side, almost anything can make it onto the dining room table. If you think I’m joking, take a look at these links:

• Bert Christensen’s Weird & Different Recipes
• Jamestown, NC and their weird recipes. Kitty litter cake?
• Weird Eats: A guide to Yukky Cookery.
• Hot Silverbeet Cheesecake anyone? I’m working on a Hot Silverfish Cheescake as we speak!

The author of this blog is in no way shape or form a chef. In fact, he is not even a good cook. Please don't take his advice.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 17th, 2007 at 12:00 am and is filed under Comics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.