Oaks, primarily known for hardwood flooring, are also boisterous and loud. They believe their toughness as a tree is directly related to the amount of bass they can achieve with custom sound systems.

Though they have no primary means of locomotion, they are able to enlist the help of woodland creatures such as squirrels (who are natural sound engineers), and bats (who can wire anything to a car battery). Oaks do this through a monetary system of acorns which the squirrels use as food, and the bats use to tape between their legs for reasons scientists aren’t very sure about.

A typical oak forest can reach ninety decibels on a normal day and over a hundred decibels if two oaks engage in what is called “thumping”. This term is in relation to acorns being shaken from tree branches, and falling on the heads of Metallica fans who are convinced that oaks are playing “Master of Puppets”. In reality they prefer Elvis with the treble turned down.

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