The Neutrinos from Buffalo
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...This just in- Just when you thought the failing economy of Buffalo, New York was down and out, it comes back with a surprise move. For years Buffalo has wasted away due to botched waterfront development deals. However, today it was announced that Buffalo will be the site of the worlds largest super collider.
The collider will make use of many undeveloped industrial parks recently cleared of environmental hazards through great taxpayer expense. It will also make use of the city’s abandoned subway and canals, after the homeless have been removed.
With this announcement comes a little controversy. The collider will be so large that part of it must cross into Canada. This could lead to a bureaucratic nightmare for Buffalo, and some believe it won’t be built for this very reason. We interviewed people working for the thruway authority, who will be maintaining the areas associated with the collider:
“You know, we’ve been promised development for years, but when the time finally came everyone chickened out. I mean, come on people, what’s not to love about Buffalo. We’ve got high taxes, poor infrastructure, and a sewer that smells bad enough to choke a fleet of marines, but hey, at least the Mafia’s gone… we think.”
“The only thing that collider will be good for is sending jobs to Canada at the speed of light.”
March 25th, 2008 at 6:29 am
… Must be a Higgs Boson with an attitude like that.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I’ve been to Buffalo, NY on several occasions (an unfortunate side-effect of living just across the Canada-US border and enjoying NHL hockey) and, every time I’ve gone, I’ve managed to get sick or given a hard time at US Customs.
If I never go back to that city, it’ll be too soon.
Let’s hope the European team can find the Higgs Boson before Buffalo. I’d hate to think that any scientific value came from a city that brought us the Sabres
March 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
If you care about Buffalo and getting there, then you might want to sign this petition.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/nobrandon/
Spitzer appointed one of his big donors to the New York State Authority. The guy has no experience whatsoever. So let’s make sure the position goes to someone who knows something about roads. We’re not asking for a lot.
March 30th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Fuck you, Buffalo is awesome.